As a confidence coach I’ve noticed three major things you can do to stop yourself from feeling angry, anxious, or insecure.

1. Ask if the accusations are even worth thinking about.

Most people let anything into their ears and process it. However, we want to decide first if we even want to process the message before we feel it. We can create a buffer so instead of soaking it up like a sponge, we can check if it’s even worth thinking about. Make a strategy not to process negative thoughts.

2. Is it really about you?

People who are happy in life tend not to act someone. They don’t need to lower the self-esteem of anybody else to make themselves look good. Since this is the case, most people who lash out are lashing out because of an accumulation of things. It was years and years of things that had happened and your one comment might have broken the camels back.

3. Realize freaking out won’t get you what you want!

This might be easier said than done, but it will be a whole lot easier if you think of this process ahead of time. We get angry or upset because we want a specific outcome. To increase the likelihood to achieve that outcome, we would want to be calm and collected. If we can prioritize the outcome more than the emotion, which is what we truly want anyway, we can think more rationally. Decide you will enter into any negotiation with a relaxed demeanor and only focus on what you want.

If you would like to use these processes automatically in your mind, you should reach out with a competent confidence coach to change your mindset so you can have more inner peace and success everyday.